How to Talk to a Therapist About Depression: Finding the Words When It Feels Impossible

Dec 12

Are you trying to find someone to talk to?

That can be tough.

We live in a busy world. Everyone seems to be rushing about, absorbed in their own concerns, their own schedules, their own worries. When you do manage to get someone to stop for a moment and listen, sometimes they don't really want to hear what you have to say.

Maybe they don't understand exactly what you're trying to tell them. Maybe they don't know how to react. Or maybe you get a few sympathetic head nods, an "I know how you feel," and nothing more.

That can feel incredibly frustrating—and isolating.

When you work with a therapist, though, you're talking with someone who genuinely wants to listen and is trained to understand your concerns. Someone who won't rush you, dismiss you, or change the subject when things get uncomfortable.

Still, opening up can be hard—even in that safe space. If you've been struggling with depression and wondering how to bring it up in therapy, you're not alone. Let's explore some approaches that can help you start the conversation.

Why Talking About Depression Feels So Difficult

Depression has a way of convincing us that our struggles don't matter, that we're being dramatic, or that no one could possibly understand what we're going through. These thoughts are symptoms of the depression itself—not the truth.

Many people find it hard to gauge just how depressed they are because they've been avoiding the topic, even with themselves. We might minimize our experience, push through, or tell ourselves we should be able to handle it on our own.

The reality is that keeping difficult emotions bottled up doesn't make them disappear. Those unexpressed feelings can build over time, compounding into something heavier and harder to carry. Talking about what's bothering you—even the small things—is often the first step toward understanding your depression and beginning to heal.

Start With What's on Your Mind

You don't have to walk into your first therapy session ready to discuss your deepest fears or most painful memories. In fact, most therapeutic conversations don't start there at all.

Consider beginning with the everyday worries that occupy your thoughts. What's been keeping you up at night? What small frustrations have been accumulating? The concerns that feel mundane—stress about work deadlines, tension in your household, anxiety about finances, the weight of daily responsibilities—these are often connected to the larger patterns affecting your mental health.

Your therapist understands that the things that "tick you off" or the minor annoyances you've been carrying around can reveal important information about your inner life. That frustration with a coworker might connect to deeper feelings about being undervalued. The dread you feel about checking your bank account might tie into fears about security and self-worth.

By talking about what's present and pressing, you create a natural pathway to the deeper conversations that support real healing.

Talk About Your Relationships

One of the most accessible entry points into therapy is discussing the people in your life. Relationships shape us profoundly, and exploring them can illuminate patterns in how we connect, cope, and care for ourselves.

Your therapist might ask you simple questions: Who are the important people in your life? What are those relationships like? How do you feel when you're around certain people? These aren't trick questions—they're doorways into understanding your world.

From there, you might find yourself discussing a coworker whose behavior has been bothering you, a friendship that feels one-sided, tension with a family member, or challenges in a romantic relationship. You might talk about feeling disconnected from people you once felt close to, or about the loneliness that can exist even when you're surrounded by others.

Depression often affects how we relate to the people around us—and how we perceive their feelings toward us. Exploring these dynamics in therapy can reveal important insights and open up new possibilities for connection.

Simply Talking Matters

Here's something important to understand: you don't need to have a specific agenda or know exactly what to say. The act of talking itself—being heard, being witnessed, putting words to your experience—is therapeutic.

More and more people seek out therapy not because they have a crisis to solve, but because they need a space to process, reflect, and be genuinely listened to. In our fast-paced world, that kind of presence is increasingly rare.

The worst feeling is trying to open up to someone and sensing that they don't really care, or that they're just waiting for their turn to speak. After an experience like that, it's natural to wonder why you should bother talking to anyone at all.

If you've felt that way, please know: those feelings make sense, and they deserve to be discussed. A therapist provides a safe, caring, and confidential environment where you can express yourself without fear of judgment, dismissal, or burdening someone else.

When Finding the Words Feels Impossible

Sometimes the hardest part isn't knowing what you feel—it's knowing how to say it. If you've ever sat across from someone and thought, "I don't even know how to explain this," you're experiencing something incredibly common.

Here's something that might help: you can talk about the difficulty of talking itself.

Telling your therapist "I'm struggling to find the words" or "I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling" is valuable information. It's not a failure—it's honest communication. Your therapist can work with that. They might ask guiding questions, offer reflections, or simply sit with you in the uncertainty until something emerges.

You might also find it helpful to discuss how you typically talk about difficult topics. Do you tend to minimize? Intellectualize? Deflect with humor? Make jokes to ease tension? Shut down entirely? These patterns aren't flaws—they're coping strategies you've developed over time. Noticing them together with your therapist can open up new ways of expressing yourself.

Helpful Vocabulary for Talking About Depression

Sometimes having the right words makes all the difference. If you're not sure how to describe your experience, consider some of these phrases as starting points:

Describing your mood:

"I've been feeling flat, like nothing really excites me anymore."
"There's this heaviness I can't seem to shake."
"I feel numb—not sad exactly, just... empty."
"I'm exhausted even when I haven't done anything."
"Everything feels harder than it should."

Describing changes you've noticed:

"I used to enjoy [activity], but lately I can't bring myself to do it."
"I've been withdrawing from people I care about."
"My sleep has been off—I'm sleeping too much / can't sleep at all."
"I've noticed I'm more irritable than usual."
"I'm having trouble concentrating or making decisions."

Describing thoughts:

"I keep having thoughts like 'what's the point?'"
"I feel like I'm a burden to the people around me."
"I catch myself being really hard on myself."
"I have this sense that things won't get better."

When you're not sure what to say:

"I don't know exactly what's wrong, but something feels off."
"I'm having a hard time putting this into words."
"Can I just start talking and see what comes out?"
"I've never said this out loud before, but..."
"This might not make sense, but..."

Remember: there's no wrong way to describe your experience. These phrases are simply tools to help you begin. Your therapist isn't grading your vocabulary—they're listening to understand your world.

You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out

One of the most common barriers to talking about depression is the belief that you need to understand your feelings before you can discuss them. The truth is the opposite: talking is how we come to understand.

You might walk into a session saying, "I don't even know what's wrong—I just feel off." That's a perfectly valid starting point. Your therapist is trained to help you explore, make connections, and find clarity together. You don't need to arrive with answers; you only need to arrive willing to begin.

Taking the First Step

If you've been struggling with depression—whether it's a persistent low mood, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, difficulty sleeping, or a general sense of hopelessness—reaching out for support is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

Talking to a therapist about depression isn't about having the perfect words. It's about showing up, being honest about where you are, and allowing yourself to be supported.

You deserve to be heard. You deserve care. And you don't have to figure this out alone.

At District Counseling and Psychotherapy, we provide a warm, nonjudgmental space for individuals navigating depression, anxiety, life transitions, and more. Whether you're seeking traditional talk therapy or exploring psychedelic integration as part of your healing journey, we're here to listen. Serving clients in Washington DC, Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey, and New York via telehealth.

Ready to start the conversation? Contact us today to schedule your first session.