There is no denying that one of the happiest moments we can have is realizing we’ve found someone that we want to spend the rest of our lives with, and that person feels the same. Getting married is one of the great adventures that we all share, regardless of culture or country. But this great joy needs to be tempered with some realism, because while love is important in a lifelong partnership, it is not the sole determining factor in a successful marriage.
This is why premarital counseling can be a very important step on the road to beginning a new life together. These types of counseling sessions aren’t here to determine whether you’re a good match or not, the couples have already made that determination for themselves. What they are here to do is make sure that couples understand—and discuss—some of the important issues that are now about to become major factors in their lives. Three things, in particular, should be addressed during such counseling sessions, and we’ll go over them here.
Children
This is something that has hopefully been at least broached in the early stages of a serious relationship. If it hasn’t, it should be discussed now in premarital counseling. The question of whether to have children or not, or how many, or in what manner, language, culture or faith they should be raised are all important. Even when there’s agreement to have children, the question of when to have children should be discussed.
Some people may think everything is fine because both partners agreed on having kids, but one is thinking that the first 3-5 years of marriage should be focused on the relationship and careers, while the other is thinking that trying to conceive during the honeymoon is what’s about to happen.
Handling Conflicts
If you’ve had and resolved some arguments already during your relationship, you may already be feeling this out. If you’ve yet to experience any major disagreements, now may be a good time to discuss preferred strategies on how to resolve conflicts. “We love each other, it’ll sort itself out,” is not often a realistic strategy to take with arguments. This is especially true if the people involved don’t know how the other person prefers to handle problems.
If one person needs to sit down and analyze the situation, talking over the issues, while the other needs to cool down, in isolation to mull it over in solitude, these two styles of resolution could cause a conflict if the couple involved isn’t aware of it. Discussing this ahead of time in premarital counseling can save a lot of unnecessary disagreements.
Finances
This is another important area where people often have very comprehensive, personal habits or preferences for handling matters. But now this needs to change slightly or greatly to accommodate the fact that another person is involved. Will you be combining your assets or keeping them separate? How do you want to handle your existing accounts, properties, and businesses? Will an asset existing on its own now become part of a joint ownership or operation, or would you prefer to start all new joint accounts as something brand new and leave the old financial structures in the past?
These and many more important financial questions need to be addressed now, not just for the benefit of the couple, but for the children in the future that may be in the plans. As a new couple starting a new life, how you approach your financial activities is going to now affect both of you and your upcoming family.
Premarital counseling isn’t just a way to solve problems; it’s a way to prevent them from becoming larger and more damaging in the future. By discussing and resolving some of the most important, pragmatic issues of a relationship now, you build a much more solid foundation for your relationship in the years to come.
To learn more about premarital counseling or to talk to a therapist, call or contact us today at 202-641-5335.
